Are you not satisfied with owning the majority of my soul? I give my time for you. I give my energy for you. I give my imagination for you. Yet still it seems to mean little to you. It seems that the only thing that will satiate you is my blood.
I first became aware of your ravenous appetite for the souls of gamers back in 2010. After a number of years as a Nintendo fan-boy, I became disgruntled at the complete lack of decent games available for the console and made the switch to the Xbox 360. As my introduction to the new console I borrowed The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion as I was a big fan of RPGs like Baldur’s Gate. Although I very much enjoyed the level of customisation available in the game, there was something missing that meant I never really ventured beyond the first few quests. I thought that was that.
The Beginning of the end
I friggin’ love Skyrim. It’s as close to perfect as a video game can get. The attention to detail in the world, the epicness of the story arc, the level of customisation of the character. There was nothing I couldn’t do in Skyrim – I could be a hunter who avoided conflict and sought only to make an honest living, or I could be a drunken berserker who fights anyone who looks at him funny. I could be anyone.
DLC - Downloadable Crack
A DLC that allows me to become a crossbow wielding slayer or a naughty vampire god? You knew I’d jump at the chance to increase my Skyrim experience, and you smiled that Cheshire cat smile as I handed over my money and another piece of my soul. More time went by and I strayed from the main quest and from any chance of a normal life as I enjoyed my new found vampiric powers.
Then came Hearthfire. “Spending half your day in our lovingly crafted world isn’t enough” you cried out from your Tower of Magnificence. “You must spend all of your time there. How about we let you build your own friggin’ house?”
You looked into my soul, and you knew that I’d follow you into the jaws of Hades if it had Skyrim DLC attached to it. So I bought Hearthfire, and I lovingly crafted my house from scratch, furnished it with all the trappings, all the while ignoring the main quest, real life and my sanity.
With the house finished, I felt like I could finally get back on the straight and narrow. Surely a full year after the release of the game, you’d relinquish your hold on my soul and let me live my life again.
Your response? Dragonborn.
Another DLC that gives you more history, more characters, more armour and the ability to ride on goddamn dragons. Bethesda, that’s a low blow, even for you. I might as well quit my job, sell my house and shut off all human contact. You got me, Bethesda. You got me good.
You've ruined my life
A final twist in the tale. I have accepted this as my fate. Come December, I will happily hand over my hard earned pounds in the comforting knowledge that soon I will be able to traverse the land of Skyrim while atop a majestic dragon. Yet this is still not enough for you! I have so little left to offer you, and you plot and you scheme and you plan my downfall. What madness is it that when I’ve given you so much you turn around and point towards my bane.
The Elder Scrolls Online.
I never play MMORPGs. World of Warcraft didn’t faze me. Warhammer Online was sub-par. I wouldn’t give Knights of the Old Republic the time of day. But this … It’s a thing of beauty. I know now that I have no life. There is no life. There is only you, Bethesda.
I hope you’re proud of what you’ve done.